WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL IN MY HEAD?!

i thought i was over him. but i guess im not. im so fucking done with this shit. y cnt he just see and feel the way i do? y cnt he be fucking depressed cuz of this goddamn breakup? i want him to hurt the way i do. i want his heart to sink every time he watches that goddamn m&ms commercial. i want him to be jealous if i ever hookup w/ some1 (not that that will ever happen cuz im just so fucking cool). i want him to miss me whenever he sees or hears something that reminds him of me. i want every fucking thing he does to remind him of me. thats how my life is. fuck...i cnt even walk to tim hortons w/o thinking of him. goddamn little fucker.

of course...after all this i still wnt be able to get myself to hate him completely. i want us to be okay. i want to stop feeling this way whenever i think about him in a bad way or hear dumb shit about him. there's so many things that i wish for...so many things that id ask for...i kno ill never get them. i just hate the fact that things were so good for a while there...and now im so fucking messed up. i dnt like being messed up...most of the time.

hurray for lieing to my mom and telling her i was fine when i just fucking cried. oh well. it doesnt matter if i tell her or not. she'll tell me the same goddamn thing "go make a list to show u how good ur life is" yeah well taylor made me one...and it didnt exactly help (tay, i appreciate u doin it tho...it gave me a couple laughs i heart you)

i think im just gonna shutup rite now cuz im gonna start saying shit that i'll feel bad saying later on.